For those of you that don't know me...here are two of my strongest personality traits. First of all I'm very independent. Not in the I pay all my bills, I got my own shit kinda way(although I do). It's more of a "I believe I can do every damn thing" kinda way. Blame my Pops. He never helped me with anything unless I just couldn't figure it out...after a week or so. This went for everything from tax returns to putting together and hooking up the electrical things in my spot. So I NEVER ask for help unless I just can figure it out, or it involves electricity(cause that shit will kill you if you make a mistake). The second is that I don't take myself seriously. I am able to laugh at my fuck ups and keep it moving. I have many. Mainly because of my first trait..
This misadventure started on a warm sunny June afternoon. Who the hell am I trying to fool? It was 98 freaking degrees in Georgia...which meant it was 2 degrees cooler than hell. I had been looking at my lawn all week. It was in desperate need of a cut. I had promised myself at the beginning of the season that I would not pay someone for something I could do myself. Plus I figured it would give me the exercise I needed on the days I didn't go tho the gym. So I talk myself in to getting my ass out there and get it done... Because I so love a fresh cut...both on my lawn and on a man... I get dressed for battle.....Wife beater, cut off shorts, long socks, work boots, and a bandanna. I grabbed my Ipod and headed to my battlefield..
I crunk up the lawnmower and my Ipod and proceeded to start cutting the portion of the grass between me and my neighbors house to the right. My neighbor is an older lady that I talk to and is fairly nice. I know that she is strapped for money like so many others so I help her out with things when she asks. Plus there's the whole "respect your elders"thing that runs in my head.. Well she saw me and asked me to cut her grass. Like the dumb ass that I am at times, I agreed. This was the start of my afternoon in hell.
I started cutting and feeling good. the sweat was pouring off my brow, my legs were stretching, and the sun was shining on my face. This feeling of glory lasted all of 20 minutes. Once I got to minute 21 I felt fire in my veins and the sun burning my already dark chocolate skin. Since I had only cut the area between our two homes I felt I could knock it out and get it done...Cause I can do everything...Being that I promised her I would do her yard I decided to do hers before I tackled mine. So then I moved to the back of my neighbors house. I discovered all sorts of berry bushes, wild plants, and a damn tub of water that I know was a mosquito mansion.. At this moment I also started feeling more heat in my veins and my legs getting heavier.
As I moved to the other side of her house I felt the need to hurry the fuck up. I was getting tired just wanted to get in a cool place. By the time I got to the front of her house I was telling myself fuck this! I couldn't pick my feet up and it seemed like as soon as I cut the grass it was growing back. That in combination with the sun beaming down on my black ass made me feel like I would erupt into flames at any moment.
I did finally finish her yard. I shut the mower down and threw it in the garage just as quickly as I could. I didn't finish with my yard, so it was still the same shitty mess it was when I started. After coming in my house chugging a Powerade and some kind of way finding the strength to wash my black ass, my head starting hurting like hell...and didn't stop. Babycakes(my daughter) came home from work to find me in a dark room, sitting in an Indian position, rocking back and forth, moaning. Since she knows me so well she asked me "What did you do"? After I told her she closed the door shaking her head and laughing her ass off.
I must say that this was truly a learning experience. What I learned. Georgia heat is not to be fucked with and to hire the professionals to do what will kill you. Needless to say, I did hire someone to cut my grass and I always look at them,from the inside of my house, while they're doing it having an ice cold cocktail and wearing a smile. Telling myself "never a got damn gain"..
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